How Not to Write a Cover Letter, Part Three

We’ve previously gone over two bits of advice regarding the writing of cover letters (be brief and be professional). Today we come to the final—and possibly the most important—piece of advice.

Be Humble

Almost every artist in existence possesses a bizarre mix of crippling insecurity and towering arrogance. We pass from periods of sweeping confidence where we’re positive that our current projects are amazing and groundbreaking to periods of horrible fear where we’re completely convinced that those same projects are pathetic, derivative, and completely unlikeable. Back and forth, back and forth, from the child in need of constant reassurance to the prima donna.

It’s not a bad thing. Periods of insecurity cause us to second-guess our assumptions, to look at our work with a close eye and chip away every imperfection we can find. They improve our art. On the other hand, we would probably never submit our work anywhere, never let it into the public eye, without that helpful, forward-pushing arrogance. But just make sure that the prima donna isn’t in charge when you’re writing your cover letter. 

There are few editorial turn-offs stronger than an arrogant cover letter. Every editor and agent has had the experience of working with an author who doesn’t want to accept any editorial input to their story, who already thinks that their story is perfect and grows angry when anyone has the gall to suggest otherwise. It is not pleasant to work with these people. If your cover letter gives off strong signs that you might be that type of author, editors and agents will drop that manuscript like it was poison and back away slowly.

Here’s a pair of harsh truths that none of us should ever forget: when it comes to publishing, we are not special and no one needs us. Every professional magazine, book publisher, and agent out there receives hundreds to thousands to tens of thousands of submissions and queries every year. Of those, they choose a mere fraction—probably one percent or less—to move forward with.

What this all means is that there are mountains of good submissions that get rejected every year. Submissions that are just as good as yours or better—don’t try to fool yourself that your work is some sort of godsend. I have personally rejected great stories in favor of slightly weaker stories, simply because the author of the better story seemed like they would be a nightmare to work with. A weaker story can always be made stronger, as long as the author is willing to work with the editing staff.

Don’t be that author! I don’t say all of this to demoralize—your work is probably pretty good, and if you persist and always continue to improve, you’ll probably make it to the top of that mountain someday. But don’t let your pride knock you back down when you get there.

Here are some specific things to avoid in your cover letter:

Don’t talk about how amazing your story is: It’s not your job to tell an editor or agent that your work is good—they’ll decide that for themselves. If you talk up your story so arrogantly and then it turns out not to be good, you’ll just look like an idiot. And the editor will probably remember that when you submit again.

Don’t complain about past rejections: Perhaps this editor has rejected something that you wrote, something that you believe is excellent and was not given a fair shot. Too bad. Don’t mention it in your cover letter (or anywhere else). Everyone gets rejected. No editor or agent is going to change their mind because you explained to them why they were wrong, especially if you’re insulting about it. Which is our next point:

Don’t insult the editor, the agent, or their staff: This should be a no-brainer, but you’d be amazed how often this happens. Usually it’s in regards to old submissions—a passive-aggressive statement like, “It’s all right that you rejected my last submission. I’ll just have to find someone who can understand it.” Other times it will be not-so-subtle digs at the stories that were chosen over theirs, rude comments about the publication or company, or even aspersions on the personal character of the editor or agent. Protip: no one is subtle. You’re not going to be able to hide insults—someone will always pick up on it. Just don’t put it in!

Don’t try to “sweeten the deal”: This is not a sales pitch. Don’t try to convince the editor or agent that your story is going to bring in tons of new readers (it probably won’t). Don’t tell them how well it will sell (they probably know better than you). Don’t tell them that God instructed you to write this book and will bless them if they publish you (not gonna help). There is only one thing that you can write that will convince them to publish you: a good story.

Now, you might be tempted to point out to me that many authors are quite arrogant, and they’re doing just fine. Yes, it happens. But most of them became arrogant because of their success, not before. Prime donne are tolerated because they have clear talent and selling power. If your talents are primarily of the as-yet-unrecognized variety, then no one will have reason to tolerate you if you act like a prima donna. And even successful authors can be dethroned by their arrogance. 

On the other hand, you may have been insulted by an editor that you feel was arrogant. Yeah, it happens. Sorry. Too bad. Don’t try to get revenge or give them comeuppance. It won’t work. Just move on.

Remember—your work is not one-in-a-million, it is one of a million. The competition to get published is already difficult enough without sabotaging yourself. Be humble, be polite, and you’ll do well.

How Not to Write a Cover Letter, Part Two

If you’ve followed my last bit of advice for writing cover letters (be brief), then you’re probably well on your way to the second bit of advice:

Be Professional

The word professional is used in several ways—today, I’m using it in the “having a dignified, business-like bearing” sense. You may have seen many authors who like to have fun and joke around; and one of the reasons that you want to be a writer might be the prospect of having a profession that often feels more like play than work. But now is not the time for that.

Behind the scenes, most of your favorite authors are probably very professional. The ones who joke around with their editors and agents do so because they have an established working relationship or friendship with those people; they probably weren’t joking around with them when they began their careers. You don’t need to try to be funny or clever in your cover letter, you don’t need to put the editor at ease. Most agents and editors will be far more impressed by quiet professionalism than by bombastic humor or silliness.

Format your cover letter and manuscript professionally: We’ll discuss common manuscript formats another day (probably next week), but for now just remember that your letter should look business-like. Don’t use strange fonts; you don’t (usually) have to use Times New Roman or Courier, but you’ll never go wrong with them. Garamond, Cambria, and Georgia are some other good, professional, easily-readable fonts. Keep your text black and your font size and spacing normal (around size 11 or 12; 1.15 spacing for your cover letter and 2.0 spacing for your manuscript).

Follow submissions guidelines: Every editor and agent has slightly different preferences, and they’ll always make it clear what those preferences are. Find their submissions instructions (usually listed under “submissions” or “writers’ guidelines” on their website) and follow them with exactness. These guidelines will include instructions on where to send submissions, how to address them, how to format them, how many can be sent at once, and how long you should wait before sending them an inquiry about your manuscript. Editors and agents will always notice when you haven’t followed instructions, and it will never reflect well on you.

Don’t use gimmicks: In regards to manuscript submissions, a “gimmick” is any unusual little trick that new authors use in an attempt to “get noticed.” I have heard of (and received) many of these, including: formatting manuscripts in unusual fonts and colors; printing manuscripts on any color of paper but white; inserting messages to the editor into the body of your story; turning pages upside down; delivering manuscripts in person (possibly while dressed in cosplay); hand-writing cover letters or manuscripts (possibly with crayon); recording audio cover letters; attaching formal headshots of yourself; inserting illustrations into the story; and many, many more. These sort of gimmicks will stand out to editors and agents, but not in a good way.

Don’t use emoticons: Emoticons are fine for text messages, social media, and e-mails to someone you know well; but they have no place in a cover letter. Emoticons are the very antithesis of professional—social, silly, and overly familiar. Don’t use them.

A professionally-formatted cover letter and manuscript might seem boring to you, but that is good. Your goal here is not “to stand out from the crowd” or to “catch attention.” Your goal is to give an impression of competence, patience, and professionalism. Remember—the only thing that should stand out about your submission is the impressive quality of your story.

Part three of this series (be humble) is here.

How Not to Write a Cover Letter, Part One

NaNoWriMo is over, which means that there are multitudes of writers out there with finished manuscripts that they’re itching to send out to potential publishers. With that in mind, I’m going to switch gears for a little bit here on the Story Polisher. The primary purpose of this blog is to highlight the many mistakes that novice (and not-so-novice) writers make, which collectively can render a manuscript unpublishable. Usually, I focus on errors in prose, because I believe that prose is the most important aspect of writing and simultaneously the most difficult to improve.

But for the next few weeks, I’m going to give advice on getting a manuscript ready for submission; on editing your story, formatting the manuscript, and writing a cover letter. After exhausting themselves to get a story completed, many writers just don’t have the energy or attention span to give these non-story elements of the trade sufficient effort. Conversely, many other writers give these elements far too much attention and end up over-doing things.

A few years ago, I wrote an editorial for Leading Edge Magazine titled How Not to Write a Cover Letter, in which I identified three major mistakes that novice writers make in their cover letters. The first, which we’ll go over today, is making a cover letter too long.

Keep it Brief

First, a definition: a cover letter is a brief note of introduction which the author attaches to their submission. The key word there is brief. No cover letter should ever be more than one page long—and note that this is a maximum limit, not a suggested length. Generally, your cover letter shouldn’t be longer than a paragraph or two.

The purpose of your cover letter is not to convince the editor to read your story. If you submitted the story, they will read it (or at least some of it). Your cover letter is just there to give them some basic information that can’t be conveyed through the story:

     Your name

     The title of your story

     The length of your story

     (Maybe) A (very) brief description of your story

     A list of your previous (professional or semi-professional) publishing credits

     (Maybe) A brief description of your education, training, or life experiences (. . . wait for it . . .) which relate to the story that you’ve submitted.

That’s it.

Many new writers tend to balk at how short their cover letter ends up being when they pare it down to these few things, especially if they don’t have any previous publishing credits to list. They feel like they need to pad it out somehow, give it some “substance.” Other writers seem to think that the cover letter is a chance to “wow” publishers, that they need to show off what an excellent writer they are right from the start. They pen long letters packed with fluff that’s supposed to show off their skills. In reality, it does just the opposite.

Here’s the thing: editors spend all day reading. Their desks or e-mail inboxes tend to be piled high with manuscripts of various lengths. The last thing they need is extra reading. If your cover letter seems extremely short to you, then that’s great! That is exactly what they want to see.

Pictured: An editor with a light workload.

On the other hand, if an editor pulls up a new submission only to find a wall of text between them and the story proper, that isn’t good. At the very least, they’ll be a little irritated. They would probably still read the story, but they definitely won’t waste their time on that big huge letter.

Here are some things I’ve seen in so very many cover letters which, without question, should not be in a cover letter:

Your personal bio: This is a manuscript submission, not a dating ad. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but that doesn’t matter. No editor cares who you are, where you’re from, or what your life is like. They don’t care if you like piña coladas, or what wacky antics your family gets up to, or where you went to school, or what you studied. You do not matter. All that matters is your story—if it’s good enough, they’ll publish it. If it’s not good enough, they won’t. Nothing you write about yourself can change that.

Stories about your story: Don’t share the entertaining or humorous story of where you got the idea for this story, or how it evolved over time. Don’t tell them you wrote if for NaNoWriMo or that you typed it all in one feverish night of inspiration. Behind-the-scenes features aren’t going to make your story more interesting.

Recommendations: Don’t tell the editor how so many of your friends or family enjoyed the story. It doesn’t matter if your professor thought it was magnificent or if your writing group thought this was the one that would get published. The only possible exception to this rule is if a respected, well-known author or other editor read and enjoyed the story and explicitly recommended that you send the story to this editor. If the author didn’t give you permission, then don’t try to name-drop them into your cover letter.

Non-professional publication credits: Much as I love this here blog of mine, I would not mention it in a cover letter (unless, perhaps, I were trying to publish a book on writing prose). Anyone can write a blog, so it isn’t much of an accomplishment to have done so. Self-published stories do not belong on your cover letter, whether they were posted on a blog or are for sale on Amazon. Being published by an amateur college publication doesn’t count, unless they’re at least semi-professional (i.e. they pay their authors at least some money). The exception to this rule is audience: if your blog is widely popular (several hundred hits a day at least) or you’ve sold thousands (note the plural) of copies of your self-published story, then that is worthy of note.

A long story synopsis: The shorter your story, the shorter the synopsis should be. A novel may be worth a full paragraph (check the submission guidelines, as some publishers specifically ask for one to three), while a short story shouldn’t get more than a sentence. Often, with a short story, you don’t need any description of the story at all.

Any of your life experiences that don’t strongly relate to the story: If your story is set in the heart of the Congo and you have had personal experience living in the Congo, then that is worth mentioning. If you lived in the Congo but that only faintly influences the story, then don’t bring it up. If you’re a practicing lawyer who has written a legal thriller, that’s worth mentioning. If there’s only one brief courtroom scene in the story, then that’s not very important.

You shouldn’t generally mention that you attended a writing workshop or took a class taught by a famous author unless the story that you’re submitting is one that you wrote in the workshop or class in question. Again, this is just name-dropping unless it’s actually pertinent to the story.

Mentions of other stories you’ve submitted: You might thank them for the time they gave to another story you submitted, but don’t say any more than that. (I’ll write more on this later.)

Here’s a sample of a cover letter I might write to an editor:

1^st December, 2014

(Publisher/Publication Name)

(Publisher’s Listed Address)

Hello (Editor),

     Thank you for taking the time to review my (short story/novel), Most Excellent Story Name. It is about (insert appropriate-length pitch here), and is approximately (number) words long. I wrote it based on my experiences in (related life experience).

     (If applicable) Here are my past publishing credits:

     Story in Issue 21 of Magazine

     Thank you again for your time,

     Christopher Baxter

Remember: editors are busy. If you waste too much of their time with your cover letter, then they might not feel like giving any more of their time to your story. Brief is best.

Part two of this series (be professional) is here and part three (be humble) is here.