Here’s an irritating little phrase that we’ve all heard or
read some variety of in a story: “As a _____, I . . .”
“As a mortician,
I can tell you that her description of the embalming process is accurate.”
“As a
psychologist, it is my expert opinion that this man is completely off his
nutter.”
“As your mother,
I cannot allow you to meet with that girl anymore.”
“As lord of these
lands, it is my duty to care for the needs of the lesser beings under my rule.”
“As someone who
blogs about prose and grammar, I am constantly showered with praise and
entirely deserved adoration.”
 |
| "And money. Don't forget all the money." |
Nine times out of ten, this phrase and its variations are
unrealistic, unnecessary, or unintentionally arrogant. Unrealistic, because they
tend to be a form of maid-and-butler dialog, where a character tells people
information they should already know. Take that third example above—whoever the woman’s
child is, they already know that she was their mother. She didn’t need to say
it. It feels like breaking the fourth wall; the woman isn’t identifying herself
as the other character’s mother for the purpose of speaking to her child, she’s
doing it because the author needed to let the audience know that she was the
other character’s mother (and even then, it was probably already obvious to the
readers).
That brings us to the second problem—such phrases are
generally unnecessary. You’ll almost never encounter a situation where a
character needs to explain who they are or what qualifications they possess
before they speak. Usually, if you’ve done your job right, you’ll have
explained all that far more smoothly in some other situation.
So often, when this phrase pops up, it is because the author
wanted to remind the readers who this
character is or what their qualifications are. Maybe the character hasn’t been around
for a while, or you simply haven’t mentioned their profession in some time. In
those situations, find a smoother way to work a reminder in. Or, better yet,
trust your readers to remember what you told them before. If they don’t, maybe
you need to make the character’s profession or position a stronger part of their
character so that your audience won’t forget who they are.
But what about situations where the people around a
character genuinely don’t know who a character is? That would justify them
beginning a sentence in this way, right? Well, yes . . . but . . . that brings us to the final problem with this phrase: unintentionally arrogant.
Writers tend to be a loquacious bunch—we usually have
respectably large vocabularies and a great fondness for words. We tend to read
a lot, sometimes far more than we actually speak to other people. Being insulated
into a group that so loves wordplay and a well-spoken turn of phrase can skew our
perspective on how people actually speak. It can also blind us to how we ourselves sometimes sound when we speak.
So, that said, here is a variety of ways to express the
thought “As a ____, I . . .”:
“Oh, I can answer
that—I’m a nursing student at the U. I think she actually got the details of
the procedure pretty close to perfect.”
“Hon, I know you
don’t like it, but it’s a father’s job to look out for his daughter. I don’t
think you should go out with that boy again.”
“Well, if you
want an engineer’s opinion, I’m happy to give mine. That whole design is
completely infeasible.”
“As an artist, I
am frequently misunderstood by those around me.”
Which of those sounds the most arrogant? Now, this could
just be me, but I generally feel like “As a ____, I . . .” is pretty much the
most puffed-up way of expressing one’s qualifications.
Of course it’s possible to use this phrase in a way that
doesn’t sound arrogant. But in those cases, the lack of arrogance is generally
conveyed through tone and body language. When you’re writing, you can’t rely on
those tools. So you have the distinct possibility that people will supply their
own emphasis and tone to words which make them think of these sorts of people:
“Well, as a vegan, I don’t believe in hurting any creatures in any way, especially for
my own mere comforts.”
“As a Christian, I would never let my daughter behave in that manner. It’s just not right.”
Now, sometimes you’ll have a character who is rather
puffed-up with their own importance, or who is very loquacious and maybe a
little oblivious to how they sound. If that’s the case, then it might be worth
busting out the “As a ____, I . . .” phrase. Most of the time, however, people
just don’t speak that way—it’s redundant, odd, and often viewed as an indication of self-importance.
No comments:
Post a Comment