If you’ve been writing stories for more than twenty-four
hours, odds are good that you’ve come across the phrase “show, don’t tell.”
What this advice essentially means is that action is more interesting than
description.
For example, we could write that “Jane was angry.” This is
simple and direct, but it is also the sort of thing that is more engaging to see than to be told. Instead of just
telling our audience that Jane is angry, we could write this: “Jane punched the
wall, red-faced and growling through her teeth.” This conveys Jane’s emotions
more powerfully than a simple statement of anger.
Another advantage to showing is that it is more subtle than
telling. You have to trust your audience to pick up on the things that you are
not directly stating. This makes it more difficult to write, but also makes it
more engaging to read.
“Show, don’t tell,” is the reason that alarmed by is a phrase that should usually be avoided. Here’s an
example of how I generally see this phrase used:
Gizem felt her
way along the corridor. She kept one hand on her dagger while the other traced
the rough stone of the wall. There was a dim light coming from up ahead.
When she came
around the corner, she found a narrow window. Moonlight poured through the
opening, illuminating the still form of Hunsu. Blood covered his face and
clothing and pooled on the gray wooden floorboards beneath him.
Alarmed by the sight, Gizem scrambled to
Hunsu’s side.
Do you see the problem? You don’t need to be told that Gizem
was “alarmed by the sight” of Hunsu lying in a pool of blood, do you? It’s
obvious. You don’t even need to know who the characters are for this to be
clear. In fact, when you think about it,
it’s almost insulting that the writer thought you wouldn’t already know that
was clear.
The entire phrase “alarmed by the sight” could easily be
removed without harming the passage. If you feel it is necessary, you can leave
the word alarmed:
Alarmed, Gizem
scrambled to Hunsu’s side.
But even that could probably be shown instead of told:
With a nearly
silent gasp, Gizen scrambled to Hunsu’s side, almost tripping on a loose
floorboard in her haste.
Now, you don’t have
to show all of that. Simply stating that Gizen is alarmed is much more
economical, and sometimes that will be more important than the emotional effect
of showing instead of telling. The problem with the phrase alarmed by, however, is that it forces you to re-state something
that you’ve already shown. In our example above, we’d just barely seen Hunsu
lying in a pool of blood. We can infer why Gizen is alarmed without being
directly told.
No comments:
Post a Comment