Organized Paragraphs and Rogue Sentences

In these two posts, we discussed how to organize paragraphs through subject and dialog. Today, we’ll discuss a common error that crops up in paragraph organization, which I like to call the rogue sentence.

     Quincy’s heart began to race as Maria smiled at him. She waved, and he waved back. Then he froze, uncertain. Had he waved back too quickly? Did he seem overly eager? He needed to calm down and act natural.

     He didn’t want her to leave because he was acting weird. Maria crossed the street, and he did his best not to stare. She was wearing a dark purple sweater with a wide neck that fell down onto her shoulders and a denim skirt that came down to her knees. Her boots were brown and tall, coming up just past mid-calf. Quincy started and lifted his eyes, blushing.

     He hoped that she hadn’t noticed how long he’d just been looking at her legs. Fortunately, Maria seemed focused on the cars that were approaching and not on him. He kept his eyes on her face and smiled as she reached the sidewalk.

If you’ve read my previous posts on paragraph organization, then that example passage should seem wrong. Why? Because of the first and last sentences of the second paragraph. They are rogue sentences, lines that have jumped from the paragraph where they clearly, thematically belong to take up residence in another paragraph. They’re out of place.

Little did you know that you've been training for this for years.

The first paragraph is about Quincy, about how he’s feeling and what he’s thinking; the second paragraph is about Maria’s appearance; and the third paragraph is about Quincy’s efforts not to get caught admiring Maria’s legs. So the sentence, “He didn’t want her to leave because he was acting weird,” clearly belongs in the first paragraph—it’s about Quincy, not Maria’s appearance. Likewise, the sentence, “Quincy started and lifted his eyes, blushing,” has nothing to do with Maria’s appearance. In fact, it is the sentence which introduces the problem discussed in the third paragraph, so that’s where it belongs.

     Quincy’s heart began to race as Maria smiled at him. She waved, and he waved back. Then he froze, uncertain. Had he waved back too quickly? Did he seem overly eager? He needed to calm down and act natural. He didn’t want her to leave because he was acting weird.

     Maria crossed the street, and he did his best not to stare. She was wearing a dark purple sweater with a wide neck that fell down onto her shoulders and a denim skirt that came down to her knees. Her boots were brown and tall, coming up just past mid-calf.

     Quincy started and lifted his eyes, blushing. He hoped that she hadn’t noticed how long he’d just been looking at her legs. Fortunately, Maria seemed focused on the cars that were approaching and not on him. He kept his eyes on her face and smiled as she reached the sidewalk.

See how much better that flows? 

Rogue sentences are quite common in novice fiction. Look through your writing, paragraph by paragraph, and make sure you don’t have any of these where they don’t belong. If you’re having trouble spotting them, ask a friend to read this post and then read your story to find any rogue sentences.

The great thing about rogue sentences is that they’re almost always an easy fix—just move it up or down, and you’re done!