Language has a natural flow
and rhythm that can be difficult to understand and master. Even when we don’t
realize it, this rhythm influences how we construct sentences and what words we
choose. For instance, there have been many times where I used two adjectives
instead of one simply because the sentence felt better with two.
Dima was exactly what she’d been looking
for—a clever and entertaining performer
instead of
Dima was exactly what she’d been looking
for—an entertaining performer.
You’ve probably had similar
experiences. It is very difficult to define why the rhythm of a sentence can be
improved with an extra word or two, but it is a tangible and important element
of sentence composition.
I’m not going to try to
break down the mechanics of sentence rhythm today (if ever, for that matter—that’s
a difficult subject!), but I do want to point out a problem that frequently
arises when writers adjust sentences for better rhythm. It appears most often
in cases like the example I gave above, when writers include an extra adjective
in a sentence. Here’s some examples:
Lucy was always happy and cheerful.
He’s so quick and speedy.
You need to be sweet and kind to the
patients.
Look, I’m too tired and sleepy to think
this through right now, okay?
What is the point of
including two adjectives if they both mean essentially the same thing? It’s
redundant and repetitive; and if you’ve been reading this blog for long, you know that we don’t like redundant repetition here.
This pops up in the work of
almost every unpublished author I’ve ever edited. If you have two adjectives to
describe one thing, make sure they’re not synonyms! Otherwise, there might as
well be only one word. Don’t waste space saying something twice when you could
be using that precious space to give your reader a deeper, more textured
glimpse into the nature of this character, setting, or object.
Which do you think will be more vivid: a costume in crimson red and cardinal red, or a costume in red and blue? |
Now, it’s possible to have
two adjectives together that are very similar but still technically different:
The building was dark and shadowed.
His demeanor is just so serious and grim.
We have to be smart and clever.
I think she’s fun and entertaining.
How similar is too similar? That’s a call you have to
make yourself. Personally, I recommend playing it safe and keeping such
adjective pairs as different as possible. But if you really feel that the
distinction between “dark” and “shadowed” is important and that your audience
needs to know that this object or person is both,
then go for it. Give it to some readers and see if they understand the
distinction (without you having to explain it). If they’re not getting it, then
you should probably go for some words that are less similar. If they get it,
then you’re golden.
Very Nice Post, Thanks fo sharing.
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