Pure dialog can get confusing and even boring; it can also fail to convey the many subtleties that people communicate through means like expression and body language. This is the
reason that writers often insert small actions into passages of dialog. The
actions could be changes in a character’s expression, small movements or
gestures, or specific tasks that the character is performing while they talk.
For example:
“I don’t think we
should go after her,” Sofia whispered. She shifted in her seat and closed her
eyes with a sigh.
Matilde glanced at Sofia and then looked away.
“Why not?”
“She decided to
leave all on her own. No one made her.” Sofia shook her head and bit her lip. “She
obviously doesn’t want to be here.”
“Maybe . . .” Matilde replied, looking down
at her feet while she shuffled them back and forth. “But what happens when she
decides she wants to be here after all and it’s too late for her to come back?
Chiara tends to be pretty impulsive.”
Sofia stuck out
her tongue. “We still can’t force her to do what she doesn’t want to,” she
said, waving her hands.
Matilde looked up
with a frown and then turned away again, wringing her hands. “We could. And maybe we should.”
Now, that passage was packed
a little too full of actions—every single
line of dialog was accompanied by at least one action. That’s partly because I
wanted to fit as many examples as I could into one passage, but many people do
write their conversation scenes this way.
But why is that too many
actions? Am I saying that you should never
have an action to accompany every line of dialog? No. The problem isn’t the
number of actions so much as it is the lack of purpose behind so many of the
actions.
Let’s list the actions from
the passage again:
shifted in her seat
closed her eyes
with a sigh
glanced at Sofia
and then looked away
shook her head
and bit her lip
looking down at her feet
shuffled [her feet] back and forth
stuck out her tongue
waving her hands
looked up with a frown
and then turned away again
wringing her hands
What are each of these
actions supposed to convey? Why is the character performing that particular
action at that point in the conversation?
With some of these actions, the purpose is pretty clear. When someone
closes their eyes and sighs, for instance, it’s usually a pretty good
indication of weariness or irritation. Hand wringing and lip biting are decent
ways to indicate nervousness or internal confliction. And frowns are pretty
clear indications of unhappiness or severe confusion.
But even those examples
could each have more than one meaning. As for the others, they don’t convey
anything meaningful. What is the audience supposed to learn from the fact that
Sofia “shifted in her seat”? Is the seat uncomfortable? Is she emotionally
uncomfortable and the movement is a physical indication of that fact? Was she
trying to relax or get a better view of something? There are so many reasons to
shift in one’s seat that simply describing the action carries next to no
meaning.
Why is it significant that
Matilde looked at Sofia and then looked away? What does that mean? What does it
mean that she’s looking down at her feet while shuffling them? Is her turning
away after looking up with a frown supposed to tell us something about her
thoughts? Because it isn’t. It might be vaguely sort-of hinting at some sort of
emotional state, but it sure isn’t informing the audience of anything.
Even Sofia sticking out her
tongue is confusing. There are so many ways and reasons that people stick out
their tongues:
Each of these images conveys
a different emotion, and yet they could all be described as someone “sticking
out his or her tongue.” From the context, we could probably narrow down Sofia’s
gesture to two or three of these, but it still wouldn’t be clear. Is she
disgusted? Petulant? Nauseated? We just don’t know. Remember—most expressions and movements can
indicate more than one emotion, thought, or state of mind. Just because you
know which meaning you were trying to convey doesn’t mean that your readers
will get it.
“Looks” are probably the
worst category of offenders on this front. Throughout the conversations I read,
characters are “looking” all over the place. They look at one another, they
look at their feet, at the wall, at the table, into the distance, into the sky,
at their hands, at their clothes. And most of it doesn’t have any meaning
whatsoever. Beware the meaningless look!
This usually happens when a
writer can tell that the conversation needs a beat or a brief lull to break up
the dialog, but they don’t have anything for the characters to do to provide
that break. If you need a beat but you can’t think of a meaningful movement or
expression for your character, then give
them something to do! In our example above, Sofia could have been trying to
finish some (plot-related) paperwork while they conversed or Matilde could have
already begun packing to go after Chiara. The possibilities are endless.
Give your manuscript to a friend
and ask them to highlight any point where the purpose of movements or
expressions was unclear or confusing. If you can’t come up with a meaningful
movement to replace the vague one, then don’t be afraid to cut it out entirely.
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