Last time, we discussed the
need for a character’s actions during dialog to be meaningful—to demonstrate
something about their state of mind or to be part of a task that they are
trying to carry out, rather than simply being inserted to create the necessary
ebb and flow in the conversation.
One task I often see
characters performing during dialog is eating. It is usually a good method for
achieving the goals we discussed last time: it gives you plenty of distinct
actions to fill in the gaps of the conversation; it can be used to reveal a character’s
personality or state of mind (for example, a character who eats in the middle
of an important conversation could seem flippant or disinterested, while a
polite character might be very careful about chewing with their mouth closed
and always swallowing before they speak); and it is a realistic task that
people often carry out while they eat (especially if the conversation takes
place at a meal or if the character is played by Brad Pitt).
He is having a conversation in every one of these scenes. (Image from Cracked.com.) |
So if you want to have a character
eat during a conversation, go for it! Just be sure to look out for these common
pitfalls:
Food that doesn’t affect the conversation
Brad took another bite of his sandwich. “You
should have just killed him when you had the chance.”
So . . . is Brad speaking
with his mouth full, or are we supposed to assume that he chewed and swallowed
before speaking? If he is speaking with his mouth full, how are the other
characters reacting to that? Is it disgusting to see? Are they having trouble
understanding his words? Or, if he’s waiting before he speaks, how are the
other characters reacting to that awkward pause?
This is a little problem
that becomes increasingly incongruous the longer the conversation goes on. We
all know that a conversation with someone who is eating doesn’t usually flow
quite the same way that speaking with someone normally does; and if you fail to
acknowledge that reality in your story, it can make the conversation seem
subtly unrealistic to your readers.
Now, fixing this problem can
also be a little tricky. You don’t want to have to clarify whether or not the
character is speaking with their mouth full or not every time they take a bite—it would clutter up the conversation
very quickly. A better option would be
to simply describe the character’s combined eating/speaking habits at the
beginning of the conversation and only briefly allude to them once or twice
later on. You can also try to rearrange the prose so that it raises fewer
questions about how the food is affecting the character’s speech (i.e. having them
take bites after they speak instead
of before). So, our previous example could be reworked in this manner:
“You should have just killed him when you
had the chance,” Brad said. He took another bite of his sandwich.
Simultaneous biting and speaking
“You should have just killed him when you
had the chance,” Brad said, taking another bite of his sandwich.
Remember what we discussed
about “ing” verbs in this post? The above construction implies that Brad is
speaking at the same time that he takes a bite of his sandwich. Go try to take
a bite of something while you speak.
It doesn’t work, does it? Your mouth can’t handle both tasks at once—even Brad
Pitt has to eat before or after he speaks a line. People can chew and talk at the same time, but they
can’t take a bite and talk at the same time.
Too much attention to the minutiae of eating
Brad took another bite of his sandwich. “You
should have just killed him when you had the chance,” he said around the
mouthful.
I don’t even want to kill him now,” Jose replied.
Brad swallowed and brushed crumbs from his
chin. “Seriously? He sure seems to want to kill us.” He took another bite of his food.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t find a
peaceful resolution to all this.”
Brad swallowed again and took another
bite. “Death is peaceful.”
“Dying
isn’t.” Jose shook his head. “There’s got to be another way.”
“So we kill him in his sleep.” Brad
shrugged, swallowed, and finished off his sandwich. “Peacefully.”
This happens quite a lot in
the manuscripts I edit. Your audience doesn’t need a blow-by-blow account of
every single bite, chew, swallow, and face-wipe. We understand how eating works.
Focus instead on the less usual parts of eating—if you need a beat in the
conversation, have the character drop a fork, or get something stuck in their
teeth and try to get it out, or bite their tongue. They could spill mustard on
their shirt or choke and cough up a disgusting spray of crumbs and spittle. Any
of that would be more interesting than bite, chew, swallow, repeat. And if you
don’t want the meal to take any of those particular turns, that’s fine—just space
out the biting, chewing, and swallowing enough that they don’t grow tiresome
and intersperse them other actions and information.
To close, here’s an example
of all of this done well from Charlie
Holmberg’s The Paper Magician.
[Mg. Thane] stabbed his fork into two pieces of
pasta and raised them to his lips. He tasted them, chewing, and his eyes
brightened just a bit more. “I’d say, Ceony,” he said after swallowing, “had I
not been present for the lessons, I’d think you’d found a way to enchant pasta.”
Ceony smiled. “You like it?”
He nodded, scooping up another bite. “It
tastes just as good as it smells. That’s a sign of a well-rounded person. I
should congratulate you.”
“On my person or my pasta?”
Light danced in his eyes. He didn’t
answer.
Ceony tasted her chicken, relieved it wasn’t
too dry. Three bites into her own dinner, Mg. Thane said, “Oldest of four.”
“Two sisters, one brother,” Ceony replied.
“Do you have a large family? You seem like someone who suffered through a great
deal of sisters.”
“I’ve suffered through a great many
people, but none of them sisters. I’m an only child.”
That
explains a few things, Ceony thought.
A few seconds of silence passed between
chewing bites. Not wanting the time to grow long, Ceony asked, “When do you get
groceries?”
He glanced at her. “When I run out, I
suppose. Groceries are my most dreaded chore.”
“Why?”
He lowered his fork and leaned his chin
onto his hand, elbow on the table edge.
“They require going to the city,” he stated.
“And it’s hot out, besides.”
Ceony paused as she cut into the next
morel of chicken. “Do you freckle?”
He laughed. “Now there’s a conversation
turn—”
“I mean,” Ceony began, “I could understand
not going outside if you freckle.” She glanced to her hands, spotted with
freckles of her own. They had a tendency to cover any bit of skin exposed to
the sun between March and October.
“I don’t freckle,” he said. She must have
been frowning at her hands, for he added, “And there’s nothing wrong with
freckles, Ceony. Heaven forbid you look like everyone else in this place.”
Ceony smiled and shoved some pasta in her
mouth to keep the grin contained.
“And since you have so much extra time,”
Mg. Thane said, “your first quiz will be tomorrow morning.”
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